Stuff's everyday Stuff

:''(

[Sep. 24th, 2008|03:12 pm]

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mood

sad

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R.I.P. Sneakers Im going to miss you you silly mutt. I love you...:'(

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[Jul. 7th, 2008|09:12 am]

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mood

tired

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******Happy Belated Birthday AJA!!!!******

OK yea

[Nov. 28th, 2007|08:19 pm]

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mood

chipper

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SO yeah saw this on a friends jounral and was like DUDE that would be an awesome ass idea soooo

If you want a christmas card from me put your address up here (comments are screened)
:) LOVE and christmas happiness to all

I know I havent posted in awhile but...

[Sep. 18th, 2007|12:05 am]

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mood

grateful

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This merits even in my busy life a moment of appreciation and pure admiration for these peoples lives

A sad month in the life of a fantasy lover
This month has struck great blows to the fantasy world. Two bright stars of this genre have gone out. Both Madeline L'Engle and Robert Jordan have died. Jordan passed away just yesterday and Madeline on the 6th. Two amazing and hugely influential authors are now gone. Two of my most favorite and treasured authors. I mean, I have A Wrinkle in Time right next to Knife of Dreams on my bookshelf.
I recieved this message from my best friend and fellow fantasy writer today. I went on to learn that L'Engle passed on on the sixth of this month and Jordan Passed on yesterday September 18th I am personally and deeply saddened for our fantasy realm with the loss of two of the most important authors I have ever read. For god sake people the creator of the tesseract is dead!!! Let the word go out and the fantasy lovers spend September, 22nd in a fantasy realm of some sort gaming, reading or just imagining as these people inspired each of us to do.
Power to the memory of two of the most imaginative people on earth
Steph

bleh	[Aug. 22nd, 2007\|02:30 am]
NOthings right...at least it feels that way right now...rick dumped me tonight...and well it feels like I finally trusted him not to break me and he did it. It was like I was wrenched into hell all over again. I dont know why this feels worse than mike. Maybe because I know he doesnt love me like I love him. I hope things are great with everyone else...I think I've alienated you all Im sorry. Much love to the ones who stick by stephy
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you know

[Jul. 26th, 2007|02:22 am]

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crazy

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there is something magical about watching pbs...oh wait gotta be that whole lack of commercials. I love it...and its all interesting :)
Stephy

[Jul. 24th, 2007|01:44 pm]

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mood

content

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I wasnt expecting to be as happy with that book as I am....*grins and does a happy lil dance*
Stephy

Well

[Jun. 10th, 2007|04:20 pm]

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mood

content

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THe next 24 hours are totally going to be pushing my limits but Im wearing my bracelets to work and Im going to attempt to force my mind to behave. Life is interesting right now I dont know what to do with myself except to keep on moving on. Im totally relaxed at the moment which is a strange thing for me. Matts taking me to work and I have a long ass drive ahead of me. Damnit. At least I get to go places and learn things. I am thinking about a picnic at purgatory this week while meg is down from her house and hopefull everyone will have fun and we can hike and play and do the things we want to. Just need to find enough cars for all the people we want to bring. Hopefully itll be tuesday or wendsday and everyone will be able to bring something towards lunch. I wanna get as many people as possible cuz itd be fun. I need to start getting final lists together for the us camping trip and sending out invites. Hopefully I can get a printout and some postage together for a mailing or something. I need to put a few more people into the list...and find it...yeah gotta find my other jump drive. Yup...okay so if you are on here and wish for an invite to the trip leave one. Its the second and/or third week of august and we need to get shit together for it so I can get everything done.
Much love
Stephy

[Jun. 7th, 2007|02:54 pm]

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mood

bouncy

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U + ME + MY ROOM =_________?
If we're locked up in my room for twenty-four hours and we could fo whatever you wanted what would you do with me?
I took this off myspace but I like it
:)

[Jun. 6th, 2007|12:51 pm]

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mood

sad

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Paolo Nutini-Last Request
Slow down, Lie down,
Remember it's just you and me.
Don't sell out, bow out,
Remember how this used to be.

I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight

[chorus:]
Grant my last request,
And just let me hold you.
Don't shrug your shoulders,
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,
But one last time just go there,
Lay down beside me

Oh, I've found, that I'm bound
To wander down that one way road.

And I realise all about your lies
But I'm no wiser than the fool I was before.

I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight

[chorus]

Oh, baby, baby, baby,
Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?

[chorus x2]

Yeah, lay down beside me.

One last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me

[May. 27th, 2007|12:10 am]

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mood

contemplative

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Tonight of all the nights I have ever claimed for myself, dreamed for myself, hoped for myself, I never believed that this moment could every happen inside my mind. I apologize that I have not begun to tell of the things I am, or could ever hope to be. I only know that I am in the right. I can go on moping, cowering in fear before the masses. But when it comes down to the only things I know I know that I DO NOT BELONG TO THIS PLACE. My heart rejoices and my spirit soars. The square reality in which we live isnt the only option it isnt the only key to existence...I will not submit to it I will not give in where there are so many still lost to the opression and fear that is this place. We train our children with it, we learn to deal with it and we never are liberated of it. Imagine the only way to escape is truly to move on and learn not the lesson they wish to teach, but the joy you can find when you understand it. Pain is a complex puzzle...but you are controlled by it. Set yourself free. or stay forever square.

Is it can it be update time nowplease?	[May. 22nd, 2007\|10:52 am]
Okay well I guess
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SO I read this today

[May. 17th, 2007|06:48 pm]

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mood

contemplative

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"Life is not about finding yourself
It is about creating yourself"
And you know something that is completely right. I have to believe that today I am me because of me. We aren't born with anything we dont discover anything we create ourselves into what we want to be. Our lives help form us and give us flaws but in the end WE shape ourselves.
Stephy

Hello its me again

[May. 7th, 2007|02:05 pm]

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mood

hyper

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So yeah Im around and around and happy and listening to good music. ANyways I figure that I will soon be gaining a bunch of new friends on here so here stands my disclaimer. I am not responsible for what you read here good or bad. I write here to vent if it hurts you dont friend me or stop reading this. I need somewhere where my writing wont end up in "Drama drama drama" and this is where I get this. I've had this for years and I'll have it for years to come. Such is life and love and people and yeah so disclaimer!

God Im so fucking stupid	[Apr. 26th, 2007\|01:39 am]
I feel really fucking stupid right about now. I mean god steph what the hell are you thinking sex is never truly meaningless to you. It's like chuck all over with more possibilities than ever to get hurt. Why cantI just have a fucking normal guy who just wants to wait for me or seomthing I dont know but this is making you crazy. You want to love him but he doesnt even get when you are angry at him. Im cold and my stomach hurts nad I could really use a hug right now...but of course I have no idea how to fucking tell him that. Not even how to mention that I dont want to sleep in this god forsaken fucking cold ass room. I just dont want to wake up to someone I dont know above me...so here I freeze....I wanna go home....I hate myself for always putting myself through this bullshit. So much for even pretending to fucking care. Fuck Shit Steph
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hmmm	[Apr. 22nd, 2007\|02:52 pm]
Well Mike is here and he gave me a hug I dont know what thats supposed to mean but hey whatever right? I wish hed just reach out to me and tell me he love sme...it seems people are starting to gain interest in the steph guess if I didnt want to be single I could easily be taken in days if I wanted...do I want to? no...will I make mike fight for me back? Yes. He'll have to prove his love for me...and I really dont think he wants me that badly anymore. I love him though and I hope beyond hope we can get around to being together again. Guess no though Byes Stephy
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Balh

[Apr. 20th, 2007|08:48 pm]

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apathetic

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well Im tired and hurt and sick and tired of this total bullshit. I know that what is going to happen is eventually he will want to come back and his parents will (as usual) dominate his life into doing whatever they want him to do...I just hope he is strong enough to do what HE wants...I also dont know if theres any room for me in his heart at any point. That alone hurts but hey its the way he is and its the way he wants it. I dont know if I can trust him anyway at this point.
This hurts like hell let me tell you.
Knowing the only man you think you will ever love is sitting in his room wondering over a woman you know will break him and do nothing but hurt to him...or just not give him everything he could have.
Knowing that no matter how hard you work to please his parents they arent going to approve of you and you only vaguely know why and its something in the past you cant change.
Knowing that no matter what yyou'll never have anything as special as you and he had.
Knowing that when he does want to come back he'll be afraid to talk to you.
Hating yourself for the constant badgering and the lack of showing love.
Getting too comfortable is the most horrible thing that can be done as a relationship.
Knowing that unless you guys find a way to talk about the problems the friendship that stood is going to crumble.
Worrying about him having another anxiety attack where he doesnt recover and blaming yourself for the beggining of change...that while eventually will give him control right now could hurt him immensely.
Knowing that hes hurt and confused and being unable to help.
Knowing that I pushed him away by not allowing him to talk openly and freely...
Living in silence is a horrid thing for a relationship...rather be arguing than sitting there in silence.
Oh god Id give anything to kiss his lips and feel his hands on me again...it hurts...but I know if we went back for that it would hurt worse.
Hating yourself for not listening carefully to him every time he opened his mouth.
I'm sad. i love him. I dont know what i can do?
I know I cant keep pulling him back to me..
I wish I could...I love him...I dont want him hurt
My back hurts...he used to help me fix my back pop it where it needed to be popped
All he can talk about is tammy...there is no us...it's like I no longer exist...like he gave up on our love.
Oh god I love him I only want him back is that too much to ask of anything. I want things to be like they were last summer. I just want him to try to work on talking to me about pretty much anything.
We have good memories, of times where we both looked into each others eyes and felt nothing but happinesss like there were so many things we could do and it was our job to pick. When we went for long walks and acted like animals and he tickled me and I tackled him whenever I saw him. When he wanted me to know about everything with him and I wanted the same for him to know. When we got caught in the rain or when we were in the snow shovelling and throwing snowballs at each other. The nights when our friends and ourselves had a blast doing things. The hard things we overcame. The wonderful moments we had on the weekends my parents went away. We lived in those moments when no one could bother either of us. I dont know where this ends...but it began like a fairy tale...and I dont want it to end till its happily ever after. Guess I can never want to die Again then huh? Gotta see the happy ending...
love and tears
Steph

So yeah

[Apr. 17th, 2007|08:00 pm]

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scared

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ANyways It is completely over ...for the most part. I mean he has a chance to remain with me on tuesday but for now I am single...alone...by myself...if you can think of anymore dont butt in...I hate this... I still love him but Im letting him go...the fact that last thursday he kissed tammy gave me a little more strength to just let go...I love him I cant stop that yes. I have to let him go though...he needs me to let him go I dont want him unhappy and he doesnt feel the same way. I wish I could stay with him and take care of him but that seems to just not be happening. I cant help but still love someone that I've loved for over a year and a half.
This hurts more than anything I've ever experienced...I gave him all of me. He just cant take the way I am the way my personality is...and he cant take the way his mom and I dont get along...thats pretty much it...he doesnt love me anymore like he did. He really cares about me according to him. It sucks ass sooo bad.
I love him he's hurt me...this is going to take time. I felt so safe with him...no more safety. I love him...it's all I can say right now through the tears...someone help me Im falling.
Love
Stephy